Mateo Rodríguez

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Welcome! My name is Mateo, and I am currently starting a Master's degree in Theoretical Physics at Utrecht University. I come from the lovely region of Asturias, Spain.

I have created this 'blog' with two main purposes: adding details to what is written in my CV, and uploading whatever I want. The History section is used to provide a more elaborated description of my academic history, but in a relaxed style and filled with personal stories: you should judge it with a sense of humor. You can download my CV by clicking on the following button:

Moreover, I have added two sections that are going to be like a usual blog, more or less personal. In the Writings section I will be uploading some texts and poems I have written over the years, and maybe some 'posts'. When 'completed', it will mostly be in Spanish, as it is my mother tongue. The Images section will consist of a miscellaneous of pictures taken or produced by me.

By the way, if you are visiting this web from your phone, I suggest you to activate desktop mode on your browser.

Writings

Some poems

Take a look at my past
But everything's gone
I don't have much more time
Here it seems like I'm done
Get a taste from the future
Could it actually be clear?
Just probably a nightmare
Though the suffering is real

I embrace the pain
So I can get the signs
I'm gonna let it burn
Just to relieve my mind
The shadows that hunt me
I'm trying them to leave
This might not be the end
But I'm finally free

You, my love
It's me, for the last time
I know it is tough
But it will be alright

Follow the path inside
Search for your soul
Look into the mirror
Before it's time to go

Aim for the future
A new one, better one
So just move on
without ever saying goodbye

Es un dolor
que nunca se fue.
Te inhabilita
y dejas de ser.
Te deja en el suelo
sollozando,
rogando por lágrimas
para liberarlo.

Soy una piedra.

Soy una piedra, un regodón de río.

Puedo ver y sentir, emocionarme y escuchar, comunicarme y llorar. Y mucho más, aunque los llamados seres vivos desconozcan todo ello. Yo tengo una vida diferente, porque las entidades inanimadas obtenemos nuestra consciencia gracias a una existencia independiente del mundo material. En cambio, los seres animados de este universo están anclados al espacio, al tiempo y la materia que los conforma. Cuando su cuerpo se dispersa, dejan de existir.

Los humanos, las criaturas más extra-ordinarias del único lugar que posee este tipo de entes, creen que todo funciona al revés. Piensan que yo, que soy una piedra, no tengo existencia consciente, y que ellos mismos poseen una representación de su individualidad en una dimensión> abstracta e inmaterial: es todo lo contrario.

De esta manera, el universo no existe porque ellos estén aquí, dado que no son más que una contingencia. En realidad, somos lo que ellos llaman deidad. Pero están confundidos. Se creen el centro de La Creación cuando sus intereses no ocupan un lugar en nuestro pensamiento. Son seres curiosos, que nos entretienen, pero poco más...

Luz

Debería estar viendo la luz, pero me encuentro desconcertado. Tan solo veo el pasado, mi terrible historia, como si se repitiera una y otra vez en mi cabeza. Un sufrimiento continuo.

Anclado a ello, no veo la luz ni lo que tengo frente a mis ojos, y no siento nada.

Sombras

Las sombras me acechan, una vez más. Son viejas conocidas, incansables y feroces, que me acompañan desde los inicios de este viaje.

Las veo, las intuyo. Desconozco si aún las temo. Bailan a mi alrededor, aguardando un paso en falso, un fallo irreversible, que les concederá mi alma.

Me susurran. Tararean una melodía repetitiva y exasperante que me agota y arrebata las fuerzas. Escucho las voces sincronizadas en mi nuca, pero he dejado de voltearme: cuando lo hago, nunca están ahí.

Las siento, las aprecio, acariciándome la piel. Arañan y muerden, no como me gustaría. Intentan desestabilizarme, provocar que ceda ante el camino para así abalanzarse y poseerme. No lo han conseguido, todavía.

¿Y cómo escapar de ella? Si es parte de mí.

Why don't you go for her?

Cause it's no good.

29/12/24

The memories of a whole life packed in a bunch of boxes.
It feels unreal, like a bad dream, and the pain is extreme- it will get worse-.
I try to sleep and I think about that fatal night. Everything repeats, again and again... I hear the cryes and the screams, I see the tears, I feel the sorrow around and inside me. I remember myself running til I was out of breath, even though I didn't believe it was really happening. But it was. I still have that final image engraved in my mind, and that sensation when I thought I had felt a heartbeat: it was probably mine.

My grandmother, Amor Gutiérrez Fernández, passed away in the arms of one of her sons, my father, and her niece, who was the daughter she never had. It happened on Christmas Eve, and with her departure an inmense hole has appeared in our family. She was 91 years old, and it's fair to say that she lived a good life, but not an easy one. Her father was imprisoned after the Civil War, during Franco's dictatorship; her husband died in 1980 after a long illness; she had to bring up her three sons by herself. And she succeeded: she was a tough woman. However, she was also the best person I have ever met. She always took care of everyone around her, even people that didn't deserve it, and tried to solve their problems. Thanks to her, I am a better person. And by the way, 'Amor' means 'Love' in Spanish: she lived up to her name.